all the difference

We finally had our marching band banquet tonight, even though the season ended in November....
(Our show this year was based around Robert Frost's poem "The Road Not Taken", which has always been one of my favorites). We got to meet back up with our friends, watch a video of our amazing season, and give/get awards to/from our sections.


It's really weird to think that I'll never be in band again, since my college doesn't have a marching band. I still have these last two drumline competitions, and then I'll probably never play another marimba in my entire life. I'll have to buy one for myself when I get a job...


The strangest part is knowing that what was a huge chunk of my life for the past five years will just be...gone. I've made a lot of really good friends from marching band, had tons of fun, and made some ridiculous memories.


But it's sad to see how movies and television portray marching bands...they're always really dorky, and for some reason wear their uniforms and play their instruments while walking around school...it's insane. No one I've met in our band is anything like those characters. They are some of the most hard-working, caring, supportive, hilarious, and random people in the world. 
They are just awesome. Every single one of them.


I know I'll miss the long bus rides, inside jokes, late nights, early mornings, energy drinks, spontaneous heart-felt moments, and everything else that went along with it. I wouldn't trade those experiences for anything.

the opposite of depression

we had a lovely conversation today. it was nice to talk to you without completely freaking out for once. 


all I have to do is trick my brain into thinking that you're just like everyone else. it works for a few minutes at least...


and you said you liked my haircut. 


yours was the only approval I needed.

we fly over the skyline

once again I find myself obsessively listening to this song....if only more people knew about this band.

they have the talent that most bands don't these days, but they don't get credit for it.

stop standing there

Sometimes it's scary how well music captures my life...

______________________________


"You're just standing by
You're just wasting time
Why don't you just tell me the truth 
about me and you?

And as the time goes by
I hope you realize
If you ask me to
I just might be with you

So don't waste another day
Don't waste another minute
I cannot wait to see your face
Just to show you how much I meant it


So open up your heart,
Help me understand
Please tell me who you are
So I could show you who I am

Stop Standing there, standing there
And stop acting like you don't care
And stop being scared, being scared
Stop acting like you don't care...."


-Avril Lavigne

in my head

just so you know, I spend a major portion of my day thinking about you.
this is probably getting a little out of hand.


to you, I'm probably just a friend of your sister's, someone you talk to randomly about nothing of importance.


but to me, you're one of my closest friends.


I live for our five minute conversations. anything to see your smile and hear your laugh.


but that's as good as it gets these days.


so for now I'll just sit here waiting for you to get online,
so I can open the chat box and stare at the empty window, trying to think of what to say to you...


until that little green circle turns gray, and I've missed my chance again.

(no subject)

Yeah, I've made mistakes.

I could have worded things better; I could have kept my mouth shut completely.
But I can't be the quiet one forever.

I'm not a saint. I never said I was. I'm as good, or bad, as everyone else.
The only difference is: when I make a mistake, it gets pointed out and brought up again and again, because big mistakes are few and far between for me.

But I try anyway, even when everything sucks. 
Sometimes you just have to get over it.

"I thought I knew you. I thought we were friends."

Yeah, we were. But what kind of friendship can we possibly have when I feel like I'm always walking on eggshells around you?

You're not the only person in the world who's had a hard life. 
You're not the only one with emotions.

You're not the only one who can decide to just give up.
What's the point? It's not worth it anymore.

We’ve both said things we probably shouldn’t have,
 but you’ve said things that are completely untrue and unforgivable.

This was inevitable.
We have completely different personalities, completely different views on the world, and we’re probably both more than a little unstable. Our friendship was a fluke in the first place.
Frankly, I’m surprised we made it this long.

Standing on the outside, I can see how fake you are. I don’t get how I never noticed before.

Don't expect me to come crawling back to you weeks from now. This was not my fault, and I can’t handle your crap anymore.

And yeah, this situation will make things at school more difficult…
But I’d rather deal with that than deal with you.

Everything I said became a personal insult to you…and if that is how you want to live your life, then have fun. Keep taking offense at things, even the things that aren't offensive.

Stop trying to make excuses for yourself. 
You’re always saying that people think of you a certain way…but don’t try to live up to their expectations. Make a new name for yourself.

But everyone can have their own opinions, even me.


It's not always about you.

I hope someday you'll realize that.


The past is the past, and you can't change it. So why try? All you can do is move on and try to overcome the obstacles, just like everyone else.

Live.

Maybe you'll find that not everyone is out to get you.