my first year of college classes is over, and I find myself facing the fact that one year from now, I will be graduating from high school (with a high school diploma and my associate's degree) and making all kinds of important decisions...
what college to go to, where to live- home or in the dorms? or out of state? and what to major in
I'm still coming to terms with the jolt into the real world that I will be getting. I don't know if I will be able to handle living on my own; paying rent, taxes, and bills; getting myself up every morning and off to classes / work...
so much responsibility and pressure.
I haven't even gotten a car yet, how will I handle driving around a new town?
If I let myself really think about all the stuff I will have to deal with, I freak out. I've tried very hard to live in the moment recently, and not think about the future at all. that's probably irresponsible, but at this point, I don't really care.
one of my biggest problems is that I don't really feel like giving up being a kid yet. Yes, I'm sixteen, and most people assume that once you're a teenager, its time for more responsibility and starting to act like an adult; but I don't want to.
It seems silly for me to "not want to grow up", most people don't worry about that until they're in their 60s and wishing they could go back in time.... but I still do.
I've always had a lot of pressure to do good in school and be a "good kid", and I guess I've done my best. no one's perfect, and we all have regrets.
the sad thing is that sometimes I find myself wishing I had taken more risks.
I never broke a bone or had any serious injuries when I was younger, I never had some major adventure that I got caught for later, saying "it was worth it"- things that are almost a rite of passage for kids. I never got those experiences. I feel like I'm not ready to act like an adult, I haven't gotten all the immaturity out of my system yet.
luckily for me, I still have another year to worry about it.
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