wishes

ah blogger. all the therapy money can buy for absolutely free.

I've been told that sharing my feelings with faceless strangers over the internet
helps a lot, but so far its not really done me any real favors.

I'm still sixteen, still dealing with high school and college, my siblings are
still growing up and doing whatever. My little brother's still a brat.

I guess blogging really doesn't help as much as people say it does.

I just wish I had an actual person to talk to, hang out with....

 people at school are mostly okay, but they're all mindless drones, each more
gullible and stupid than the other.

It's not like I don't have friends, it's just that I wish I could have more close ones. the people that I've known for years move away, change schools, aren't in any of my classes...


things change, but I'm still the same person I was yesterday.

I wish it was easier.

to make friends you can trust right away,
  to understand them, to be able to be completely honest,
to be able to hang out and talk for hours, and never feel awkward or at a loss for words.

the kind of friend you can joke and laugh with, and the next minute be completely serious without any weirdness.

I wish it could be like that every time, that it wouldn't take so long to become real friends with someone.

 That real life was as convenient and had just as many happy endings as the movies.


I wish everyone could find that someone they could be with forever, and it wouldn't be so difficult or complicated. or mind-numbing. or painful.


I wish people would just say what they mean and mean what they say.
that they would tell you the truth, no matter how embarrassing, awkward, or even hurtful it could be.

I wish more people, teenagers, would care about the world, the future, their lives, more than the typical high school gossip- what she's wearing tomorrow, who he cheated on, which teachers are the easiest to harass...

life shouldn't feel like a waste of time.
it should be fun, heartbreaking, ridiculous, memorable.

I wish everything would just start to fall into place, because having no clue is really starting to get old.

I wish my future was easier to see, so I could know that 30 years down the road, I will be okay.
that I'll be enjoying my life instead of just letting it happen. I wish I could know what college to go to, where to live, what to do with my life.

I wish.

I'm...I guess I'm just lonely. more so than I really want to admit.

Sometimes I think no one really understands that.