hermit

Yeah. I think I'm depressed....again.
Kinda annoying, that.

It's certainly not helping anything.

no homo

In the past few months I've realized something about myself that had to change.

To begin with, I'm a Christian. I believe in God. 

I'm not ashamed to say that, but I am ashamed of the way I've been representing Christians by the way I present myself.

I hated gay people.

Thinking back, it was there from the beginning- that instinctual hate. I could shrug it off by blaming my mom for some of the things she's said about homosexuals. That I became so used to it, I just thought that was the way to be. But it's me, not her. I'm my own person and I can't blame her for the way I've acted.

I remember this one specific kid from my class who everyone assumed was gay (I still don't know for sure if he was, but that's irrelevant). I'll call him "Tim" for the sake of this story.

In eighth grade, Tim started dating one of my best friends. (I'll call this friend "Annie"). 

Now, Annie and Tim had been casual friends for a few years, but I didn't really hang around with Annie whenever Tim was around, because "ew, he's gay". When they started dating, a lot of us assumed Tim was only using Annie to stop the gay rumors. Basically saying "hey, I'm dating this girl, so obviously I don't like dudes." 

I hated this kid, and I hated that my friend was being "used" like that, so I told Annie that Tim was cheating on her with some girl he hung out with a lot. Annie dumped Tim. End of story. I was proud of myself for "protecting" Annie, and for hurting Tim.

Tim was always trying to be friends with me before any of this happened. Because we were both friends with Annie and he wanted us all to hang out or something. But I always managed to avoid him, for the most part.

A few months after the Tim/Annie incident, he happened to be in line behind me at lunch and started talking to me. To make him go away, I said something like, "Look, kid. You cheated on my best friend and you're just weird. Don't talk to me, okay? I hate you." And walked off.

And he didn't really bother me after that. Granted, a few times at Marching Band practice or in the halls at school he would wave and say "Hi!" or something in that always-cheerful voice of his. I would glare and then continue to ignore him.

Several times he would be talking to one my friends and I would just walk away, shuddering. I even told a friend about two years ago that "I hate that kid. I can't stand to be around him. If you want to hug him and be friends with him, whatever. But don't do it in front of me." 

I just...why? Why would I say things like that about someone else?

Slowly, it dawned on me that I hated a lot of things. And I shouldn't. One of the biggest teachings in the New Testament is "Love one another" and that was something I was failing miserably at. But I was really conflicted, because I know that Christians believe homosexuality is wrong, and my mother definitely said enough things over the years that I wasn't really sure what to do with all these doubts I was having.

My senior year in high school, Tim happened to be behind me in line again at breakfast and, rather hesitantly said, "Hey Ireland...do you still hate me?" The look on his face...I felt awful. This kid had gone around all these years knowing I hated his guts but trying to be polite to me anyway, and I just shoved him aside.

After thinking about it for a moment, I finally mumbled "No...but don't expect us to be friends or anything..."

His face lit up and he walked away.

Hating just takes too much energy. It's such a terrible waste of emotion and time and there's no reason for it.

I never really hung around Tim, but I did make an effort to at least say "hi" in the halls and be polite.

Even still, its taken me a long time to sort out my feelings on the subject. I'm just now coming to terms with accepting people, no matter what they believe or who they are.Trying to "love one another" in a world so full of hate is difficult, and sometimes I find myself doubting again. Thinking things like "Would I have been expected to love Hitler, then? Or Osama Bin Laden?"

And the answer is yes. 

I may not agree with their actions or beliefs, but they were people just like everyone else. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying homosexuals are in any way equated to the likes of Adolf Hitler, I'm just proving a point.

I don't support gay marriage.

I don't believe being gay is something you are born with.

But I don't hate gay people. 

I don't hate Muslims. I don't hate Buddhists. I don't hate Hindus. I don't hate atheists. I don't hate bigamists. I don't hate liars. I don't hate thieves. I don't hate murderers (though I do believe they deserve justice for their actions...)

I don't hate. I just can't. I don't want to be that person.

I may not agree with a lifestyle, but I won't hate someone because of it.

And, in an odd twist of fate, just a few months ago I caught up with my friend Annie again. She's a lesbian now. It was a shock, to say the least, to see someone I knew for so long come out. But I'm still friends with her. We text, we hang out. She's still Annie.

She's still a person, just like everyone else.

I'm a Christian. I may not love homosexuality, but I don't hate homosexuals.

"By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." 
-John 13:35

not helpful

My best friend just texted me that his grandmother died. His family knew it was coming all weekend, but I'm sure knowing that doesn't dampen it. I only interacted with her a few times, but she was one of the nicest ladies I've ever met; and since I've never been that close to my grandmother, I was happy for my friend that she was such a big part of his life.

Of course, I again find myself in that awkward position- what do I say?


I've been watching their puppies while his family stayed at the hospital over the past 3 days, walking them and feeding them, but I still feel like the worst friend ever. I can't be helpful and coddling and say "everything's going to be alright, she's in a better place" even though I know she is. It just sounds flat and disingenuous.


I'm emotionally backward. The death of fictional characters affects me more than real, everyday people.


And this is not about me. I know that. But I'm the worst person to pick as a best friend when something like this happens, because I freeze up. Sarcasm? Coming right up. Clever stories? You got it. Emotional support?

You might as well be asking me to speak Martian.

It's made stranger by the fact that me and this friend are always in a texting conversation, making jokes and being ridiculous. Constantly. We're hardly ever serious with each other. But over the weekend when sending me updates on "Mema"'s condition, he's only spoken in complete sentences with flawless grammar and spelling. He already sounds like this situation has made him grow up.

I guess because so many people have been dying around me the past few years, I'm just really jaded by it. But this is the first death of a loved one for him, at least one he's been old enough to remember, and it's going to affect him significantly.

He's basically my surrogate brother and I have a feeling the next time I see him will be awkward for us both. We won't know how to act or what to say...I know its sad and I feel bad for him, but I'm way out of my depth here.

I'm just glad she went peacefully with her family around her.

not forgotten

"You'll get over it." 

It's the clichés that cause the most trouble. To lose someone is to alter your life forever. You don't get over it, because 'it' is a person you cared about. The pain stops, there are new people, but the gap never closes.
How could it? The particularness of someone who mattered enough to grieve over is not erased by anyone. 

This hole in my life is in the shape of you and no one else can fit. Why would I want them to?                                                              

                                                              

I want to talk to you, but I don't know what to say. I am afraid you don't want me to say anything. So I don't. But inside of me there are words waiting to come out. To tell you how I feel- like how much I miss you. And how I think I loved you despite my inability to express anything besides casual friendship.
And how I need you in my life.
But those words may be forever locked inside.


Sometimes I wonder if there are words locked inside you too.

Regression

If any of you've noticed, I haven't posted in a while.


Mostly that's because of school. It's been really weird getting into the swing of college jank. It's not like I'm even taking hard classes- I'm mostly in art courses because I don't need any more GenEd- but I just can't seem to stop procrastinating. I make everything so much harder for myself than it really has to be.

But even if I hadn't been so busy with projects, I probably wouldn't have posted these last few months. For some reason I can't stop feeling so darn apathetic about everything. People annoy me. School is just a distraction. I basically have no life at all and frankly it disturbs me how much this doesn't bother me.


I'm not really sure what's going on. Is this depression? Because I thought I was done with that. Last year was pretty awful and I worked through it and things were going fine. At least I thought so.

Now...I don't even know.

Don't get me wrong- I am happy sporadically. I see what few friends I've managed to keep every once in a while and I can laugh along and watch movies and have dinner at awesome restaurants and feel normal sometimes. It just doesn't seem to last. And I can't fix it.


It's like I'm literally incapable of being like everyone else.

Not that whole notion of "normal" people try to pretend actually exists; but just the ordinary, day-to-day interactions and obligations of any average functioning human are just impossible to me. I can't seem to act right in any sort of social situation. I don't stand up for myself enough. I'm just....not at all how I want to be, and I don't know what to do about it.

I wish I could move out, Get some semblance of "starting over". What little money I make at the job I hate with every fiber of my being goes right back into car insurance, food, art supplies, and other random essentials. I just feel stuck.

I live for escapism.

Overwhelmed

"There's a light at each end of this tunnel, you shout
'Cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
These mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, its no longer
Inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
And breathe, just breathe...."

Where were you?

Life is short.
Rule #32: Enjoy the Little Things.

introspection

I’ve experienced a lot in my eighteen years, but it seems that the one thing that most defines me is something that I myself had no control over. Something I wasn’t even aware of until about halfway through my life.

I was ten years old. I remember my parents coming home from the hospital, and we were waiting in the front room to hear the news. I remember looking out the window with my siblings and seeing my mom hug a neighbor she had never gotten along with. That’s when I knew what she was going to tell us. Regardless, I tried to be optimistic. I kept my three younger siblings’ spirits up- joking and playing with them until my parents came into the house to tell us that our brother was brain dead.

A few weeks later, I had to give a speech at my fifth grade graduation. My eyes were clouding up by the end of it and everyone assumed it was because of my brother. It wasn’t, I was just terrified of public speaking. It wasn’t even five minutes before I was eating goldfish crackers and laughing with the rest of my friends.

Those masks you see painted in drama rooms- the masks of comedy and tragedy- are just mirror images of one another.  I’m sure you’ve seen people laugh so hard they cry…well, it works the other way, too.

Grief comes out in strange ways. I’ve seen people laugh their way through a funeral and I can understand why. Sometimes you just become numb to feeling a certain way. Those emotions don’t disappear, they just get diverted.

Tears become laughter, and there’s not much you can do about it. But at least you’re feeling something. At least you don’t shut down completely. Eventually, we are all able to process and move on; but you can expect there to be bumps along the way.

I’m the type of person who will be fine with the death of a loved one a few days after it happens- I suck it up and move on. Yet, certain scenes in movies and TV shows make me well up.  It might not make sense, it might even be seen as insensitive, but that’s just how I am. I’m not going to overthink it; I just accept it as fact.

I’ve learned not to question these things.

some explanation

I just realized that I never finished the Ryan Story. 
So now I'm going to. Because I've had some inspiration recently. 
And I feel like I need to get all of this out so I can move on.

I have this issue.

Well, it's actually not an issue to me, but everyone and their mother keeps trying to convince me it is. Like there's something wrong with me.

Being an introvert is not a medical disorder. It's just me.

I don't make friends easily, so when I do, it means something.

I'm a very solitary person. I don't need to have someone to talk to 24/7. I don't need a network of hundreds of friends to feel popular.

I guess Emily-chan said it best in her recent post:

"I like people. Sometimes. I like talking and laughing and having a good time, but when push comes to shove, I'm always a little relieved when I'm able to be alone again.

As with anything, there are exceptions to my rule. A few people over the years have been able to connect with me in a wow, that clicks way, but they're few and far between. People who I wouldn't mind hanging out with all the time. Unfortunately, I can count all of them on one hand and everyone else just seems to fall into a category of 'I really can't be bothered keeping this friendship up'.


And so I pull back. Because it's just easier that way. I don't need people to define me, I don't need people to entertain me, I don't need people to make me happy."

I'm not trying to sound like a loner, or a hermit, or whatever you want to call me. That's just how I am. When I meet someone, it takes me a while to trust them. If I come to find that an impossibility, I go back to polite nods from across the room. I don't need excess drama in my life.

So, a boy named Ryan and his family moves to town. We become friends. He starts to like me.

We're friends, and he's trying to make things complicated. I know this can't end well. I don't like him that way....Nevertheless, I stupidly agreed to date the boy who (for some strange reason) likes me. I just figured "he's my friend, what can it hurt?" I admit, there also may have been a bit of "let's get this first boyfriend thing out of the way" in there too.

I made it all of eleven days before I couldn't take it anymore. I just couldn't let myself mess with his feelings like that, like I was leading him along or something. I can't hurt a friend that way.

This dating thing happened two years ago, but he still likes me, I know he does, even if I don't understand why. I was too much of a coward to even dump him to his face, so I did it by Facebook, but I told him that we could still be friends. Which, as it turns out, is extremely difficult.

When my birthday rolled around last week, I stupidly decided to have some sort of party because 'I only turn 18 once', yeah? I should have known what would happen. 

Out of the ten people I invited (it was surprisingly difficult to scrape together that many people I could stand to be around for more than five minutes), two showed up. One of which was Ryan. 

You may be wondering "why did you even invite him?" Well, I'll tell you. 'He's my friend'. That's what I kept trying to convince myself. That we could be friends. 

The whole time he was being...difficult. Lots of (failing to be) inconspicuous flirting and all of that crap. When I was trying to win something from a claw machine in the arcade, he said "I got you a stuffed Elmo from one of these, remember?" Yeah. Thanks for the reminder. I think he's currently shoved underneath my bed.

He made it extremely awkward and I could tell Rachel (one of my few really good friends) felt bad for me.

After Rachel left, me and Ryan walked to the parking lot together. When we got outside, he said "Well, I'll see you later" with a smirk in his voice as he sauntered over to his moped, trying to look cool.

"Goodbye, Ryan" I called over my shoulder, not looking back as I got into my car, slammed the door and sped out of there. And I meant it. That was goodbye. I can't pretend that we can be "just" friends anymore when he is determined not to let that happen.

So we won't be friends. He'll just be another person I walk by without really seeing. I don't need any friendship bad enough to make myself miserable.

at last I am born

"I once used to chase affection withdrawn

But now I just sit back and yawn 
Because I am born..."


It feels good. Not dwelling on him anymore.
I still like him, of course. That probably won't go away for a while...
But he's my friend, and I'm happy if he's happy.

"I once thought that time accentuates despair
But now I don’t actually care
Because I am born..."

The longer everything went on, the worse it seemed to get.
But it was all in my head. It's crazy how you can trick yourself into being miserable.
Being happy is easier.

"I once thought I had numerous reasons to cry
And I did, but I don’t anymore

Because I am born..."

I'm not going to let stupid things ruin my life.

I'm moving on, moving forward. 

Honestly, I haven't felt this good in ages.

"It took me a long, long time
But now I am born
I once was a mess of guilt because of the flesh
It’s remarkable what you can learn
Once you are born"

Look at me now.

No more looking back.

I’ll be fine.

"At Last I Am Born" by Morrisey

mid-year resolutions

Well, I turned 18 yesterday.


And while I was wasting the day away on movies, ice cream, and such, I realized how much fun it was to actually be doing something for once. I've been couped-up in my house for far too long.


As I was driving around, eating popcorn, and laughing at all of the crazy stuff in the local oriental store, I started to feel more like myself again. And it was nice.


Seventeen was a ridiculous year for me. Lots of ups, but a whole crapload of downs to go with it.
I've had a blast with my last seasons of marching band and drumline, I've lost friends through stupid misunderstandings, I've graduated from high school with a college degree, and I've suffered through what I'm pretty sure was atypical depression.
For the last few months, I've been alternating between my extreme hate of the world and my extreme hate of myself.


And I'm tired of it. Yesterday was the first time that everything seemed okay again. I wasn't worrying about college or what I'll do after I graduate, I wasn't worrying about getting a job and finally moving out, I wasn't worrying about anything.


I just was.


So for now, I'm resolving to start over. From today forward, I won't be the person that's taken over my life for so long. I'm going to enjoy living, because so many people don't get to. So many people die before they've ever really lived, so why should I waste the time I've been given?
I won't forget about the bad things that have happened in my life, but I'm learning to accept them and move on. If I can't change it, why worry about it?


When I start school in three weeks, I'll be better than I've been. I'll be happier, I'll meet new people and try new things, and just live . 
Seventeen can go shrivel up in a corner and die for all I care.

Eighteen's going to be great. Because I said so.

falling

"Another silly, meaningless earth saying involves the assertion that people can “fall” into love. The difficulty here is that falling implies something inevitable, something outside the conscious control of those involved. This comparison simply does not apply. There has never been a case where someone was forced into the condition of love. Forced into a relationship, perhaps, that may have resulted in amorous feelings, but never forced into the emotion itself. You can push someone off a cliff, but you can’t really push them into a willing embrace with another person. I mean, the willing part sort of negates all that in the first place, doesn’t it?

Will.

Humans tend to prattle on about free will, especially with regard to people using it to go against societal norms. As if that’s a bad thing. As if societal norms, morals, what have you, aren’t just stupid human created concepts in the first place. Really, it’s a very Earth-centric view; not at all politically correct. It’s the nature of time and the universe and multiple universe theory and Schrödinger kittens and, well, everything that was and everything that ever will be, to have options. Options are something you get a feeling for if you can see all the different possibilities spiralling outward in a giant, chaotic pinwheel of potentiality from every moment of existence. And options, of course, imply choices.


Look, if you’ve got three-quarters of an hour for lunch and you’re in the middle of London, circa early twenty-first century, and you’ve got a tenner in your pocket and there’s a fish and chips shop right across from a pub, and yeah, you like chips, but you could really go for a ploughman’s, but maybe that’ll take too long and you’ll be late getting back to your cramped little cubicle, though you’d really rather be just about anywhere else, but you’ve got to make a decision fast or you’ll have wasted too much time and the choice will have been made for you, which really means that you’ve made a choice anyways, and…oh, hang it. The point is, every moment there’s a choice. Every moment, there’s a distinct possibility that where your life was headed to when you dragged your sorry frame out of bed that morning is nowhere near where it’s going to end up that evening when you lay down to sleep. Maybe, it’s as simple as choosing chips over a ploughman’s, and maybe you get run over by a reckless lorry driver on your way across the street. Choices. Possibilities. Options. Free will.


There’s nothing accidental or inevitable about it. You can jump off that cliff. You can tarry too long near the edge (even though you know it’s dangerous) until the darn thing collapses beneath you. You can let go the stranglehold you have on the edge because you’re just too tired to hold yourself up anymore. But you don’t just fall off..."


-Becky (aka ZephyrHawk) at http://www.whofic.com/

summertime, and the living is lousy

I've decided that this has been my worst summer yet.


The few friends I have are out living their lives- partying or vacationing all the time. And here I sit, in the same place as every other night, wishing my life was different.

I sleep, I read, I listen to music, I watch Doctor Who.

All some of my favorite activities.

But they are definitely not as enjoyable when you're aware that this is basically the only option you have for entertainment.

Being cooped up with my family 24 hours a day is driving me crazy. I miss seeing people everyday.
I miss him. But I have no right to.

When did my life get completely off track?

" Tonight is the one thing left
and I haven't said it yet, I'm falling.
And the writing's on the wall.

Today was misery
and I just can't believe this happened.
I finally broke down...
Now my only star is falling
Its burning to the ground.

Secret love, my escape,
take me far, far away.
Secret love, are you there?
Will you answer my prayer?
Please take me anywhere but here...
Anywhere but here.

You're all I've got right now.
No one else figures out this feeling
and how lonely it can get.
These words can cut right through,
cause all along I knew you were sorry,
but you haven't said it yet. "


-Anywhere but Here (Mayday Parade)

featureless bliss

"If God reached down and touched man on the forehead and made him perfect, what would life on earth be like? No sadness, so no joy. No tears, no smiles. No pain, no relief. No bondage, no freedom. No failure, no triumph. No rudeness, no courtesy. No bigotry, no tolerance. No despair, no exultation. No sin and certainly no redemption. It would simply create a paradise of featureless bliss here on earth, which would make His heavenly kingdom somewhat redundant. And that is not the point of it all. So, man must have his choice, until God calls him home."


- Frederick Forsyth
adapted from a passage in The Phantom of Manhattan

better than I was

"I keep going around in circles.

This is complicated…

Hopes and dreams don’t get you anywhere

I’m still stuck in this hole

Never thought I would end up like this

Knowing only makes it worse

I’m waiting, but things might never change

Maybe this is just a faze…

Guilt.  I’m only making this worse

One by one the days go by…

I sometimes wish I could forget

Nothing is getting easier

Glowing embers of what I hoped slowly flicker out

Chances are that I’ll be the odd one out

Random “hi”s and half smiles make me feel worse

Am I the one to blame?

Zero. I’m still nothing.

You are running through my head…again."

(I wrote this in september last year...it's amazing how a few months can completely change your perspective.)

friends?

The last few days have been nice.


I got to hang out with two of my favorite people in the world for a whole afternoon, and it was lovely. Possibly one of the best days ever.


We watched an old Disney classic, ate some fantastic enchiladas, and you helped me build the theme park from hell to trap all of our unsuspecting guests in that awesome game.


We talked and laughed, you offered to get my drink for me at dinner, and everything went great (I have to send a big thank-you to your sister for being awesome and letting me hang out with you for a while).


I haven't gotten to see you much at school, but I expected that. But it's good to know that whenever I pass you in the hall you'll always smile. It may seem like a small gesture, but its nice.


We had a lovely five-minute conversation via Facebook today about nothing really, but it's cool just to be able to talk to you without any weirdness.


Let's hope this lasts.

still here

Do you realize you’ve turned my world around?

Nothing is how it once was.

Every time I think about the way things could be

It gets me wishing, hoping, screaming…but I never win.

I’ve been here for far too long, 

thinking I would get what I’ve been dreaming…

There’s nothing I can say or do,

I want to give up, but I can’t get over you.

I’ll never fix myself.

I’m a mess, but I just don't care.

I used to be better than this…

being mature

turns out, I'm not so good at it.


I decided years ago that I wasn't going to prom unless he someone asked me.
sure, I could go with a group of my friends, who needs a date?


but I didn't really want to go at all.


but if some guy was crazy enough to ask me, I would go.


He didn't ask me. No one asked me.


I expected it.
I'm not disappointed.
I didn't want to go.


When I heard that he had asked her to go with him, I accepted it.


They're just going as friends.


He's known her longer than me.


He probably knew going to prom wasn't high on my list of priorities.


Regardless of the reason, I had accepted it. I was going to be mature about this.
Heck, she's my friend, too. I knew there was nothing going on with them.


When it started to rain that day, I laughed.


"All those kids out there trying to get pictures and get to prom without getting wet. Ha. I'm so glad I'm not going."


Anything to make me feel better.


I don't regret missing prom, but I know I'll regret not getting to go with you. 


Maybe I should have asked him....


But After Prom was fun. Weird, ridiculous, pointless, yes. But fun anyway.


When I passed you two in the hall together, I put on my good-friend face and said "hey guys!" and just kept walking. Mature. I'm being mature about this.


Everything was fine.


I got home last night this morning exhausted, and when I woke we had some family bonding over Wii gaming. Everything is fine.


Facebook. Every teen's lifeline. I thought I was braced for the onslaught of obnoxious prom-related statuses and pictures flooding my news feed.


But as I was aimlessly flipping through pictures of my friends in fancy tuxes and ridiculously poofy dresses....


...there it was. A picture that shouldn't bother me so much, but it does.


You and her, slow-dancing. A complete harmless activity between two friends.


But seeing your arms wrapped around her....I'm not mature enough for that.


I don't know how much longer I can take this.


Maybe I just need to grow up.


edit:
Good thing I have such amazing friends to make me feel better...

Music, much like life, can be a series of choices

I just got back from my last drumline competition of high school.
I'll definitely miss it, even more than marching band in some ways...


This weekend was definitely one of the best experiences of my life, even though we didn't medal.


[Before we left, everyone was hugging the seniors....
after I hugged your sister goodbye,
there was an awkward pause where she decided to say
"Come on, guys. Hug." (I'll have to remember to thank her for saying that)


Cue short awkward silence.
Nervous laughs.


Me to her- "Are you going to make me?"


Her- "Maybe. You should do it anyway.


Me-"Fine"


Awkward one-armed hug.


You- "That was the best forced hug ever."


More like "Best hug ever. Period."]


I'm too high on happiness, Airheads and Monster to write anything else tonight...
Until the morrow, blogger.


Peace.

all the difference

We finally had our marching band banquet tonight, even though the season ended in November....
(Our show this year was based around Robert Frost's poem "The Road Not Taken", which has always been one of my favorites). We got to meet back up with our friends, watch a video of our amazing season, and give/get awards to/from our sections.


It's really weird to think that I'll never be in band again, since my college doesn't have a marching band. I still have these last two drumline competitions, and then I'll probably never play another marimba in my entire life. I'll have to buy one for myself when I get a job...


The strangest part is knowing that what was a huge chunk of my life for the past five years will just be...gone. I've made a lot of really good friends from marching band, had tons of fun, and made some ridiculous memories.


But it's sad to see how movies and television portray marching bands...they're always really dorky, and for some reason wear their uniforms and play their instruments while walking around school...it's insane. No one I've met in our band is anything like those characters. They are some of the most hard-working, caring, supportive, hilarious, and random people in the world. 
They are just awesome. Every single one of them.


I know I'll miss the long bus rides, inside jokes, late nights, early mornings, energy drinks, spontaneous heart-felt moments, and everything else that went along with it. I wouldn't trade those experiences for anything.